| Before we get started today, we'd like to extend the thanks of a grateful nation to Bernie, Donald and Hillary for not participating in yesterday's #NationalSendANudeDay. (As far as we know. By design, it was a pretty cursory search.) Not getting naked is also a pretty good way to survive a bit longer in this horror movie of an election season What's behind all this? Our working theory: It's because America was built on an ancient burial ground. |
| To make it out alive, don't split up |
| With both parties seemingly on the verge of splitting down the middle - #ImWithHer vs. #FeelTheBern, and #NeverTrump vs. #EverTrump - the nominees' only chance for survival is to keep their group intact. So far, the go-to threat for both parties has been something like, "You may hate me, but you'd rather have me nominating Supreme Court justices than that yahoo from the other side." |
| Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-OR), a Sanders surrogate, says unity is possible if Bernie's supporters are well-represented in key roles at the convention. Meanwhile, in an interview yesterday with CNN, Hillary Clinton insisted the rift among Democrats wasn't nearly as bad as it looked. "Whatever differences we might have, they pale in comparison to the presumptive nominee of the Republican Party" |
| Speaking of, everyone's expecting that Donald Trump's nomination means the end of the Republican Party - a weird expectation for the party that controls both houses of Congress, 30 state legislatures and 31 governors' mansions. Will we see a split between the Establishment and Tea Party wings of the GOP before 2020? "I think it's quite likely that there could be an obituary for the Republican Party as we know it in November," says Michael Traugott of the University of Michigan, "if Trump loses by as much as he could." |
| Never assume your villain is dead |
| Oh hey, did it seem like Hillary's email server scandal hadn't been in the news for a while? Trump and Sanders both can send thank-you cards to former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates for bringing it back up. In an interview with Yahoo News , Gates was pressed on whether Clinton or Trump would make a better president, and he brought up the scandal that has been dogging Hillary throughout the campaign. "There's the whole email thing, which I think is really a concern in terms of judgement," Gates said. "I don't know what originally prompted her to think that was a good idea." |
| Gates, who worked with both the Bush II and Obama administrations, didn't have glowing remarks about Trump, though. "Mr. Trump's comments have been essentially, I think, ill-informed bluster and threats," he said. So maybe just Sanders should send him a card, then. |
| Know your escape route |
| There's a way out of all this, although Mary Anne Alfriend's plan may be a bit extreme for most of us. |
| But that's not the only solution. In case of a Trump presidency, there's a 1,500-mile-wide exit to the north - thanks to Maple Match , the dating site for Americans looking to marry Canadians. This is also true for Sanders supporters who can't stand the thought of voting for either Hillary or Donald. Technically it's also true for Trump supporters if Hillary wins in November, but if you hate the Obama administration, Canada really isn't going to be your thing. |
| More from the campaign trail |
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| Want your vote, Georgie |
| Props to Mashable for creating the horror movie campaign posters we never knew we wanted. We'd pay good money for the Shepard Fairey-style Pennywise poster. |
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