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For the Record: We are the 12.7%

 
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For the Record
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From May through Election Day, Anheuser-Busch is rebranding Budweiser as "America," presumably for everyone who needs to get good and drunk before voting for Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Marco Rubio, this Bud's for you.

In today's edition of For the Record: more wins for Trump and Sanders, an explanation of where all the votes went in West Virginia, and Bernie mooching a few bites of chocolate, caramel and crisped rice off Stephen Colbert.

Trump's victory lap begins; Bernie wins six-way contest

Donald Trump easily won the first two states of the now opponent-free GOP race. Trump claimed 61% of the vote in Nebraska and 77% in West Virginia, with zombie Ted Cruz finishing in second place in both states. "What I want you to do is save your vote - you know, you don't have to vote anymore,"  Trump had told West Virginia voters at a rally last Thursday, so we can only imagine how big his vote total would have been if his supporters weren't at home resting up for November. Next up for the Republicans: Oregona state that Ted Cruz once ceded to John Kasich before both of them got dysentery and died on the campaign trail.

You know who's not tired of voting yet? Nebraska Democrats. Bernie Sanders won the Nebraska caucus in early March, but then state Democrats said, "Hey guys, let's vote again. You know, for fun," and held a nonbinding primary yesterday, which Bernie also won. So depending on how you're counting, Bernmentum has a one-state winning streak, or possibly two. But probably one. Next week for the Democrats: Oregon and Kentucky.  Sanders is looking for a surprise doubleheader sweep; Hillary Clinton is aiming for a split.

We are the 12.7%

For vote-watchers used to seeing the 53-47 splits in Democratic vote results, the 51-36 split in West Virginia was a confusing breath of fresh air. As it turns out, the top two candidates' vows to end the coal-mining industry was about as popular as rolling into New Jersey and calling for an end to spray tanning. Who were the other four, anyway?

Paul T. Farrell

Farrell, the most popular of the four, only ran in his home state as a protest against Clinton and Sanders - one of whom threatened to "put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business" while the other one merely threatened to move them all to Arizona.

Keith Judd

Thousands of West Virginians voted for a man who spent 15 years in prison after mailing someone a gently used copy of Playboy and a knife and sending postcards to others that said, "Send the money back now, Keith Judd, Last Chance or Dead." Before you say "malfunctioning voting machines," we should point out that  in 2012, he won 41% of the West Virginia Democratic vote.

"Rocky" de la Fuente:

The San Diego businessman kicked off his campaign by diving into a pool wearing a suit.

Martin O'Malley: 

This onetime fringe candidate spent months in Iowa claiming to be a former Maryland governor.

Looks like we're going to elect a plutocrat again

Barring a complete collapse for one or both candidates, it looks like our Clinton-Trump general election matchup will be a tight race in several key swing states, according to new polling dataThe Quinnipiac University Swing State Poll  has Trump with a four-point lead in Ohio, with Clinton up by one in both Florida and Pennsylvania. Of the three, only Trump's lead in Ohio is outside the margin of error. "In Pennsylvania, Clinton's 19-point lead among women matches Trump's 21-point margin among men," said Peter A. Brown, assistant director of the poll. "In Ohio, she is up 7 points among women but down 15 points with men. In Florida she is up 13 points among women but down 13 points among men."

This election cycle's populist revolt has given us a choice between a millionaire and a billionaire. The 2004 election between George W. Bush and John Kerry was said to come down to which candidate voters would rather have a beer with ; this election may as well - presuming you can sneak past security at the country club and then convince the maitre d' to seat you, even though you're wearing jeans.

More from the campaign trail

Ted Cruz attempts to McRib his campaign (USA TODAY OnPolitics)
Facebook to sponsor Democratic, Republican national conventions ... (Adweek)
... so look for coverage of the Democratic National Convention on your Facebook feed this July (USA TODAY)
Trump on VP rejects: It's not me, it's you (USA TODAY OnPolitics)
Rubio: I'll vote for He Who Must Not Be Named (USA TODAY OnPolitics)

Meanwhile, Jim Webb chows down on a Zero Bar

Stephen Colbert gets an assist from Bernie Sanders to retrieve his 100 Grand. "You can't give up on that contested confection!" Bernie tells Colbert. Not pictured: Hillary cleaning out the majority of vending machines to date.




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